Tuesday, April 3

Confidence is Sexy!

I once saw this great commercial. I think, honestly, it was for beer, but I can't remember. A bunch of guys were in a club, sitting at a bar, and one of the guys turns to the others and says, "Do these jeans make me look fat?" The commercial then went on to show men asking these sorts of questions we usually associate with women.

I remember laughing out loud. The commercial was so true. I've never met a guy who worried about putting on ten pounds, or who wondered if his jeans made his butt look big. Bad hair day? Heck, judging from some of the guys I've dated, they're all bad hair days.

But women? Most of the women I know have a constant tape in their head with negative messages. Bathing suit season? Most women dread it. In fact, they have whole television shows on how to dress best for your figure and choosing the right bathing suit.

I made it a point a long time ago to tell that negative voice to shut the heck up. And when I did, I noticed something. The women I appreciated as the most beautiful, the sexiest . . . well, they weren't necessarily the most conventionally beautiful women. But they were the women who just felt so comfortable in their own skin that they exuded sexiness and brains and confidence. The women I didn't find sexy were the ones who chronically worried about their appearance or diets or their hair.

I remember in high school, one of my best friends was not from the U.S.--and the country where she was from appreciated women who weren't stick thin. When all the girls around us in high school were worried about bathing suits and perfection at the beach, my friend wore a bikini. She was--by American standards--probably 15 pounds overweight. But she was so COMFORTABLE in her skin that she had all the guys swarming around her.

Confidence, I have decided, is what's sexy.

So how about you? Have you learned to shut up the voices of negativity, or is there something about your appearance that you still fret about?


Lauren Baratz-Logsted said...

I still fret sometimes because, growing up in America, it's hard to shake old habits about fretting over appearance. I'm by no means obsessed, but I do fall into the trap of most females I know: whichever feature I don't love about myself, that's what I notice most when I look in the mirror. I agree, though, that confidence is key - not in how you look, but that you're worth being around.

Kelly Parra said...

Probably my hair. It's just wild hair and it will never be tamed, yet I change my hairstly every couple of months looking for a new style that might be me. haha!

Erica Orloff said...

It is hard to shake old habits, but I just really decided if every moment counts, I didn't want to waste moments stepping on a scale or being uptight because I'm . . . well, me. I slip up sometimes, believe me. I love walking/running, but my big bust means running is pretty much a ludicrous effort. So if I could change something, that would be it.

Erica Orloff said...

My hair has a mind of its own, too. But . . . you know, I'm cool with it. I don't fight it now like I used to--I am the victim of many a bad perm!


alexgirl said...

Confidence is key.
That said, I totally obsess over my appearance. When I spend more time at the gym and lose weight, my confidence level skyrockets, but when I gain weight i'm self conscious. I'd love to live in a world where we could all be confident no matter what our body type, but I'm too neurotic!
I was watching ANTM last week and those poor plus-size models have it so hard. The other girls pick on them and rub in the fact that there will never be a plus size model on the cover of Vogue (with the exception of Jennifer Hudson, probably). It's great to have self confidence, but you have to be made of stone to ignore all the naysayers!
Sorry, am i being to negative?
I'm also a hypocrite, because I think everyone ELSE looks beautiful when they have confidence. Just not me. sigh.
Great topic!!

Erica Orloff said...

Hi Alex:
I'm five foot eleven--over six feet tall in heels. I've had to sort of deal with that feeling "big" in size my whole life. I definitely was a lot more self-conscious in my teen years--which are sometimes merciless. Gives me a lot of fodder for writing my books for teens.


Kaethe said...

I've never met a guy who worried about putting on ten pounds, or who wondered if his jeans made his butt look big.

You think that might have something to do with the fact that magazines for guys aren't devoted to scrutinizing their appearance? Wouldn't it be great if it were enough for girls to do neat stuff without also having to look "hott"? Imagine how much we could accomplish if we didn't waste time worrying about our looks?

Sara Hantz said...

As much as objectively I know it shouldn't matter..... there are parts of me I would love to change!!!!

And yes, I'd kill to be more confident and then I'm sure these things would be less important.

Great thought provoking post, Erica.

Jennifer Lynn Barnes said...

It's funny- the features I was the most self-conscious about growing up are the ones I like the most now. I'm tall-ish (five nine) and have really big, kind of crazy hair, and I used to despair over both of those things in middle school, but love being tall and all the hair craziness now.

Simone Elkeles said...


I TOTALLY agree with this post, and have thought this way for a long time. No matter what you look like, if you have confidents it is VERY attractive. You set off a vibe that people can't help but be drawn to.


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