But don't worry, it wasn't all nervous breakdowns and crying myself to sleep. There were also many incredible, joyful, humbling, moving, profound experiences for me during these past three yeas. Such as:
- Sharing the 2007 National Book Award experience with my agent, Michael Bourret, and my editor, and the other finalists: Sherman Alexie (winner!), Kathleen Duey, M. Sindy Felin, and Brian Selznick. Getting screamed for by teenagers at NBA press conference. I blogged all about it here, and yes, I do still periodically re-read the post, and I do still wear my medal on occasion.
- Movie option for STORY!
- When SWEETHEARTS ARCs first came out and I was utterly convinced the book would be a total flop and I'd be exposed for the fraud I was, and I sat down to a dinner with librarians and one of them told me she'd been up all night in her hotel bathroom reading SWEETHEARTS, and loved it, and I thought (very quietly, in my inside voice), "Maybe I will have a career after all."
- When the emails started to come in from readers telling me stories of their Camerons.
- Speaking at schools and wondering if anyone even cares or is listening, then having that one conversation afterwards with the girl or boy who comes up to me to tell me something personal about what one of my books means to them.
- Getting the "It is finished" from my editor as we wrapped up ONCE WAS LOST, a book I was sure I could not pull off and thought would be the end of me. (Hmm, I'm sensing a pattern here.)
- Having the chance to blurb books I wished I'd written. Like Jandy Nelson's THE SKY IS EVERYWHERE (coming this year).
- There are so many other things, but maybe most of all is the deeply personal, almost inexpressible satisfaction I get knowing what I went through and overcame and have been blessed with in this writing life.
So, in case this post isn't already long enough, here is what I've learned by trial and error in the three years since becoming a published author:
- It's not about you. How you feel about your book or certain aspects of it or what was arduous vs. what flowed usually has little bearing on reader response. There can be things about your book you wish you'd done better, or different, but if a reader loves it you don't grimace and say "Thanks, but...", you honor that. Once it's out, in a way it's not yours any more, it's theirs.
- In another way, it's totally about you. I believe you have to write for yourself. Not critics, not a faceless demographic, not your mother, not the market. All of those things are fickle, ever-shifting (okay maybe not your mother). You will go insane if you let them dictate what you write. You have to find the thing that inspires, scares, ignites, excites something in YOU and write from that.
- Treasure your comrades. No one but another writer knows what it means to be one. When I started out, I got into all the name-dropping and the gossip, but quickly realized that this was my community, and the only people on earth who fully understand what it is to be a writer of YA fiction. I have found my trusted circle, and I would go to the mat for these people. Keep your complaints off the grid, don't spread gossip, and save the snark.
- Know who your readers are. (Hint: they are not critics.) Positive critical response is great, don't get me wrong. Having starred reviews to blog about feels good to our friend The Ego and can be handy when selling the next book. But when it comes down to it, would you rather connect with an awards committee or with the fifteen-year-old in her bedroom who feels alone until she picks up your book (multiplied by thousands)?
- The job of the writer is to write. Seems like a no-brainer, but it's one of those totally obvious things I have to consciously remember. Every day there are choices: publishing-related Twitter debates to get into, self-Googling to do, blogs to update, Facebook friends to appease, inboxes to tame, colleagues to envy, publishing deals to lust for, sales to fret over, reviews to be annoyed with/buoyed by, industry news to worry about...IT NEVER STOPS. Many of these things are an important part of career management, but you will have no career worth having if you don't eventually turn it all off and show up to the page to do the best work you are capable of.
- Don't take it too seriously. Sometimes when I'm moping around feeling like a failure, or consumed with anxiety, or wringing my hands over industry news, I remind myself, "Sara, did you work this hard and come all this way to have this career you've always wanted only to constantly feel anxious about it?" The first half of this post may make you think, Yes, apparently, but the correct answer is No! Granted, there are plenty of things to feel anxious about, but I'm learning little by little to celebrate all the little and big good things, to let go of what hurts but isn't useful, to find humor in what humbles (and possibly humiliates), and to generally lighten up and enjoy the whole process. If I wanted to be miserable in my job, I'd go back to being an administrative assistant.
I'm so looking forward to this month of celebrating three years of TFC, and hearing more perspectives here on the blog and in the comments!
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