Evolution of Embarrassment

My apologies to the guys in our number. I'm going to talk about girl stuff for a moment, but I hope you'll stick around, because I'd love your input at the end.

This week's topic is Most Embarrassing Moments. As I was contemplating what to write about, it struck me how many embarrassing moments - for girls, anyway - center around our bodies, how they are presented, and how others see us. It also interested me to note how some of those perceptions and embarrassments have changed over the years.

For example - my grandma was mortified by underclothing. She couldn't even bring herself to use the word underwear. To her, everything worn under street clothing fit under the category of "unmentionables". If her lingerie was not to be mentioned, it definitely was not to be seen. Girls when she was growing up used to wear bloomers, which were basically loose underwear with elastic casings around the waist and legs. She told me once that the elastic in the waist was prone to snapping, and gravity would have its way. The prospect of one's bloomers around one's ankles was so humiliating, she said, girls would feign fainting to save themselves the embarrassment. The goal was to hit the ground before your bloomers did.
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My mom was a little less rigid, but even she used little code words for underclothing rather than just outright talking about it. For example, if your slip was showing (eek!) she couldn't bring herself to tell you in those words - she'd discreetly pull you aside and say, "It's snowing down south..." She must have had a thing with slips, because one of her most horrifying dreams was forgetting to put on her skirt before she left the house and walking down the street in just her slip.

By the time I was in high school, we hardly ever wore slips, let alone were embarrassed by them. Our greatest sources of embarrassment had shifted a bit. We weren't as concerned about what we were wearing as we were about our bodies themselves. We still might pin our bra straps to keep them from showing, but we were more focused on bodily function faux pas. Like "starting" at school and not being able to stand up for fear of what might show on our clothes - or be left on the seat. Or the classic urban legend about getting picked up for a date and having to fart so bad you let one rip when the boy is walking around to the driver's side door (hence outside the car and unable to hear), only to discover you're going on a double date and the other couple is already sitting in the back seat.

Girls don't seem to get hung up about underwear at all any more at all. Bra straps are meant to be seen. Thong underwear peeks up purposefully from the waistband of jeans. Some girls talk and joke about bodily functions just like guys.

So here's my question - what are some of the greatest sources of embarrassment for girls now? And... guys, what - if anything - embarrasses you?

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Good News Friday!

So excited everyone! After six long months of work in the studio, I can finally announce the release of The Karma Club Book Soundtrack!

It will be coming to all digital download sites on December 14, 2010!

So what is a book soundtrack you might ask? Well, it's exactly what it sounds like! A soundtrack for a book! The album will include 10 songs inspired by my novel, The Karma Club. Each song is inspired by and meant to be listened to while reading a different section of the book. A reading/listening guide will be available on my website soon but in the meantime, please enjoy these fun promos that we've produced to help spread the word and give you a sneak peek (er...listen) to a few of the songs.

As you'll notice from the promos, the soundtrack features brand new exclusive songs by Madisen Hill and Radio Disney star Savannah Outen. Both talented rising teen stars in the world of music.

So that's my good news for the week! I hope you enjoy the promos!

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Bad Boy or Misunderstood?

Okay, so when I wrote the adult romantic comedy Freudian Slip, it had the requisite bad boy in Jules/Julian Shaw. Except he really WAS a bad boy, complete with drug and sex addiction, and a mean streak. The novel is as much about redemption as it is about heaven and hell. I didn't set out to make Jules a nice guy hidden underneath a bad guy. I set out to write a very bad boy who had to fundamentally change.

But in most of our romantic comedies and TV shows, our bad boys aren't really all that BAD, are they? I'm MAJORLY dating myself, but who remembers the guy here, Mallory's boyfriend on Family Ties?

Nick, play by Scott Valentine, wore an earring (OOOOH, so bad, right?). He wore a leather jacket. He may even have had a motorcycle. Well, heck, add a switchblade and replace with actor Andy Garcia, and he's a dead ringer for my ex-husband (I kid you not!). But really? Nick wasn't bad. He was MISUNDERSTOOD.

All he needed was the love of a good woman to bring out that heart of gold, right?

Somehow, that's the romantic comedy model, the YA model, it's the stuff of our romantic fantasies. Bad, but not TOO bad, right?

So tell me, who is your favorite pop culture "misunderstood" bad boy? Favorite book bad boy?

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Love and Facebook

This week's TFC topic is friends and boyfriends, and I have a question for everyone: WHAT is it like to be dating/have a crush on someone in the age of Facebook? Seriously, I can't fathom it. I met my husband in 2002, so we never really had to deal with the "in a relationship" status change or a social networking public breakup.

The other aspect of this is: Uh, stalking. It's an extreme word, but you know what I mean: Watching some other girl write on the guy you like's wall, tracking photos of a party you weren't invited to, just generally seeing angst roll by in the form of public posts all day long... I think I would have gone crazy as a teenager.

I'll admit it: I still look up people I used to have crushes on, just to see their photos and updates and make sure they're happy and--okay, yes--to check out the girls they DID end up with. Anyone else?

Love and Facebook, man. It's complicated.

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Friends with the Opposite Sex: The Ultimate Debate

So this week at the Teen Fiction Cafe, we're blogging about friends and boyfriends and I'll tell ya, I had the hardest time coming up with a topic for this. I racked my brain for hours! (Okay, maybe it was only a few minutes, but any writer will tell you: a few minutes with no inspiration can definitely feel like hours).

And so in the end, I decided, instead of waxing poetic and/or inspiring with some clever anecdote about my most influential friendship or the worst boyfriend I ever had (and trust me, I could go on for a while about that one), I decided I would pose a question instead. Primarily because I'm interested in what others have to say about this and also, to be perfectly honest, because I'm feeling just a little bit uninspired about the blogging thing right now.

So here's the question:

When in a relationship, can you or can you not be friends with someone of the opposite sex?

And let's take that a step further...can you or can you not be good friends with someone of the opposite sex? How about besties?

I'm in a committed relationship and have a few good friends who are guys. I wouldn't call them best friends, but I'd definitely call them close friends. And my hubby has assured me that he's fine with it. And likewise, he has a few friends that are female, one of which, is the girl who introduced us. And they've known each other for much longer than I've known either of them so I've always looked at is as, "If something was going to happen between them, it would have already."

But then again, I've been in relationships before where I couldn't stand the fact that my boyfriend had female friends, so perhaps it just depends on the relationship.

My uncle is a relationship therapist and I once posed this very question to him and he said, (quite adamantly, I might add) "No. It shouldn't be done. Once you enter a committed relationship, you must sever ties with all friends of the opposite sex." He did go on to clarify that he meant friends who are not friends of the couple. Friends who are only friends of one of the members of the couple.

This always felt a little extreme to me. I think there are circumstances where you can have perfectly platonic, harmless opposite-sex friends outside of your relationship, but what are those circumstances? Or what are they for you? As I trust everyone is different.

So, in the end, my one question actually turned into several. But would still love to hear what everyone else thinks about this relationship hot topic.

And just for fun (and for those too lazy to comment), here's a poll on the issue:

customer surveys

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Bullying *in* politics

I have to say that I'm in keep my head down, try to write mode. (Not for NaNoWriMo. No, I swear I have not started a new project for NaNo. And I definitely didn't get another new idea right on its heels and now I can't decide.... Okay so I did, but I am going back to my work in progress soon, I swear!) Because of this I have only been paying attention to two things in the news lately: the elections here in the United States and the continuing coverage of bullying, specifically of gay teens.

And these two things started to almost meld together in my mind. Why? Because of those awful commercials that Lauren posted about. I fast forward through since I never seem to watch TV live, but I also suck at fast forwarding so I seem to catch a few and I'm thoroughly convinced that the senator that won in my home state of Illinois, won largely because he was the biggest bully and that's not to say that the guy who lost didn't do his fair share of negative campaigning. According to the local news:

"More than a third of Illinois voters saw neither of the candidates as honest and trustworthy, according to preliminary exit polls. Fully half of the voters said each candidate attacked the other unfairly. Voters, tired of the negative campaigning, were generally doubtful that either candidate could pull Illinois out of its devastating financial mess."

I definitely fell into this group of voters. And I was sickened when the winning candidate used his acceptance speech as just another opportunity to knock his opponents rather than finally speaking to what he would actually do with the power he'd been handed.

Personally the headline I would have liked to see this week, even more than any particular candidate winning or proposition passing is:

"VOTERS DECIDE UNANIMOUSLY TO PUT AN END TO NEGATIVE CAMPAIGNING"

Seriously, don't tell us what a screw-up the other guy is, tell us what you are going to do for us. And then instead of name-calling and bullying up on Capitol Hill, trying getting some actual work done for the people.

Sorry to vent, but as a writer, I really hate words being used out of context and politicians seem to be experts at misusing a word just because they know it will get a reaction.

When we hear nothing but inflammatory hate speech from the people who are supposed to be our leaders, are we truly that surprised when kids use it to push other kids over the brink?

Now, if you know me, you know I'm no censor. Making a law about what any can or can't say is not my cup of tea, but I just wish that the politicians would use a little common decency, that they would see that their negative campaigning only harms them. It makes voters doubt what they can do, probably because they haven't taken the time to tell us!

However, I'm sad to say that I think we have a better chance of legalizing marijuana than toning down hate speech in politics. But I love to daydream about how we could make a statement about it. Maybe next election, everyone should write in Sesame Street characters to show these politicians that we want leaders who know how to be kind and cooperate!

Who else has ideas about how to make this world a friendlier place?

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Insane people against insanity!

Time to talk about the news! And I know what you’re thinking. I’m going to write about this. And, OK, the thought crossed my mind because that story is awesome. It has everything! But instead, I’m going to write about the Stewart-Colbert “Rally for Sanity” even though I'm a few days late for breaking reportage. Also it's not like I went or anything. But I have thoughts. So I shall blog them.

First of all I am a big fan of the shows and of the spirit of the whole thing, but a few things bother me about it. Such as (1) I like insanity. I don’t think you should rally against it. (2) More seriously, I think that the Comedy Central shows actually feed the cultural insanity they’re purporting to be against. Because they give lots of screentime to the weirdest politicians and blabber-mouth-iest newspeople. If you really wanted to be against that specific type of insanity, you should just ignore it. A lot of nuttiness would best be treated by just letting it go away, not by publicly mocking it. The mocked doesn’t really get or care that they’re being mocked -- they just like being on TV. The regular media does this too, but so does Comedy Central.

I imagine that that Jon Stewart liked the idea of a “million moderate march” because it would be pretty great to see level-headed people getting together and being like “we’re not extreme in any way!” It’s a fun idea. But the problem is that I don’t think Stewart is a moderate. I think he has a particular very strong point of view, and is in fact a little insane. Which I very much like. So really it wasn’t a “march of moderates united for sanity” it was a wacky collection of slightly wacky people having a good time and making fun of stuff and making each other feel better that they’re not alone in the world. Which is a lovely thing. So that’s my take on it. But really my favorite thing about it is the signs.

So many of them are precisely my own (slightly insane) sense of humor! And some of them even make a good point, such as the one here, which pretty much sums up my ideas on things.

Here’s a good link to lots and lots of signs. I only wish someone had one of these:

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Last Trip for America's Oldest Space Shuttle

This week at the Cafe, we're discussing what's In The News. Maybe it's because I'm the daughter of a NASA aerospace engineer (or rocket scientist, as we like to call him), but I like to know what's going on in outer space. I love watching shuttle launches from Kennedy Space Center, and I'm happy to say there's going to be another one tomorrow!

The Discovery is America's oldest space shuttle, beginning its career in 1984. Since then, it's made 38 trips and flown over 142 million miles. The first female shuttle pilot, Eileen Collins, flew the Discovery in 1995, and back in 1988, the oldest astronaut, John Glen, went up in the Discovery at 77 years old.

On Wednesday, November 3 at 3:52 PM (weather permitting), the Discovery will launch from the Kennedy Space Center in Florida, its final trip into space before going into retirement. Its mission is to transport 6 American astronauts to the International Space Station (a project my dad has worked on) so they can attach a pressurized logistics module (just a fancy way of saying "storage area") and drop off Robonaut 2, a human-like robot that will become a permanent resident of the space station. This mission will mark the fourth and final one of 2010.

Have you ever watched a space shuttle launch? Have you ever visited space museums? Would you ever like to go into space someday?

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In the News: Please Vote

Apologies to my Kiwi readers, Aussi readers, and readers in other non-U.S. countries for the following U.S.-centric post but hopefully everyone will still find something of value here.

In 1972, I had a favorite T-shirt. It was white with the word "VOTE" on it, spelled out in the stars and stripes of the American flag. At age 10, I figured myself to be pretty cool, a regular hippie in my pro stance on the importance of registering political choice.

Flash forward to 28 years later when, my one and only child being less than one year old at the time, I brought her into the voting booth with me to help me pull the lever in the presidential election. I so want my daughter to undertstand the importance of voting that in the years since, whenever possible, I've brought her with me. This has occasionally led to moments of embarrassment, like the year one mayoral candidate had so many signs up in town that my daughter would have been justified in thinking he was the only candidate for the job. Since his was the only candidate's name she knew that year, when I pulled the lever for the other guy, she shouted, "Mom, why didn't you vote for Candidate X???" I doubt there was a person in the polling place who didn't know how I'd voted that year as we pulled back the curtain and exited the booth. So much for the privacy of a person's vote. Oh, well. As I explained to my daughter, I did not vote for Candidate X because he did not embody the ideals I believe in.

My daughter is 10 now, the same age I was when I so proudly sported my VOTE T-shirt, and she's pretty politically savvy. She can't stand the attack ads on TV, nor can I. Attack ads have become so much the norm that when I heard an ad for New York's Chuck Schumer last week, talking simply about all the positive things he's done while in office, I wasn't sure what to do with that information.

If attack ads are the norm, then robocalls are the norm nuisance. Where I live in CT, one candidate for U.S. Senator has been phoning my home with automated calls on a regular basis. This is extremely annoying because this candidate is not a member of my party and even if you hang up the phone during the call, if you pick up the phone again the voice is still droning on until the message has been completed. I picture myself having to call an ambulance or the fire department and not being able to do so until Candidate Y's message is complete. Late last week, a real live person called me on behalf of Candidate Y while I was working. I made the mistake of picking up the phone, thinking it might be one of my husband's customers, only to have this real live representative of Candidate Y drone on so long, he might as well have been a robocall. At last, he finished his spiel and the following exchange transpired.

Him: So, can we count on your support next Tuesday?

Me: No, you cannot count on my support. I wish you Candidate Y people would stop calling because I would never, not if I lived another million years, vote for Candidate Y. Not. In. A. Million. Years.

Him: Oh. Well, this message has been paid for by Candidate Y.

Me: Well, clearly, Candidate Y is not spending her money wisely.

The truth, though, is that tomorrow's election has nothing to do with attack ads or robocalls. It has everything to do with choice. Someday the U.S. may have a viable third-party choice or even more. But while some states this year have third-party candidates that stand a chance, for the most part and for the purposes of this discussion, your choice will come down to one of two candidates. In the words of Bill Clinton, regarding tomorrow's election: "Is is not a referendum. It. Is. A. Choice. A choice between two different sets of ideas."

That's what you've got, America, a choice. Figure out who best represents your idea, and then make your choice and your vote count.

So how about you? Got any voting/political anecdotes to share?

Be well. Don't forget to write.

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TV vs. books... the great debate!

Elizabeth's note got me thinking about my own TV viewing habits. For a long time, I was an American Idol fan. Granted, I only watched from Hollywood week on because I think there was so much negativity in the early auditions that it was a big turn-off for me. But I was thinking the other day that the last season I watched in its entirety was the David Cook/David Archuleta year. I watched on and off the year Kris Allen won. Since then? I'm not even sure I know who won.

Among other shows that I used to be a big fan of and now rarely watch: Dancing with the Stars, Life Unexpected, and even... (gasp)... Glee.

What happened? There's nothing wrong with the shows. It's just that life got in the way. We got DVR several years ago so we could DVR things like Idol and not have to rearrange our lives around our TV viewing habits. But I think that made us kind of lazy about our favorite shows. If we can watch an episode anytime, what's the incentive to watch it right now?

And so weeks go by (I still haven't watched the Britney episode of Glee yet) and you know what? I'm finding I don't actually miss any of them. They're still DVRing so I could watch them if I wanted to. And maybe I will. Someday. But you know what I've been finding time to do instead?

Read.

For someone who is forever wanting to read more, I'm pretty excited about this revelation! Reading is a double-edged sword for me. On one hand, it's my job to read books because I'm an author and I need to keep current with what's out there. Not to mention the fact that everyone deserves to enjoy their favorite hobby, right? On the other hand, there's always that guilt factor of "If I have time to be reading, I have time to be writing."

But without the TV intrusion, I've been able to read some great books lately without the usual guilt. Some of the goodies include: CRUNCH by Leslie Connor, MISTWOOD by Leah Cypess, THE GOLLYWHOPPER GAMES by Jody Feldman, THE LONELY HEARTS CLUB by Elizabeth Eulberg, and THE DUFF by Kody Keplinger. And those are just off the top of my head. I wouldn't have been able to read them if I'd been keeping up with my former favorite shows because, the truth is, there just isn't enough time to do everything.

So reading it is. :-)

What about you? Would you rather be reading or watching TV?

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Interview with Denise Jaden on Losing Faith

Hello TFCers! I just wanted to share a chat I had with debut author Denise Jaden. Her debut novel is Losing Faith and it sounds awesome! Read on for the deets!

A terrible secret. A terrible fate.

When Brie's sister, Faith, dies suddenly, Brie's world falls apart. As she goes through the bizarre and devastating process of mourning the sister she never understood and barely even liked, everything in her life seems to spiral farther and farther off course. Her parents are a mess, her friends don’t know how to treat her, and her perfect boyfriend suddenly seems anything but.

As Brie settles into her new normal, she encounters more questions than closure: Certain facts about the way Faith died just don't line up. Brie soon uncovers a dark and twisted secret about Faith’s final night...a secret that puts her own life in danger.

Hello Denise, it's great to have you here! Could you please tell us a little about your writing background and how
you made your first sale including the title and publisher?

Denise: My first published novel is called Losing Faith and it was just released from Simon Pulse / Simon & Schuster in September. I've been writing for about seven years, and have several other novels in various stages of revision. I met my editor at a writers conference shortly after finishing Losing Faith and she was interested! After getting an agent, we sent my book on submission to the editor from the conference and she loved it. The rest is history!

Readers and writers often like to get a behind the scenes peek of an author's writing routine. It would be great if you could please share your typical writing day schedule.

Denise: I write at least six days per week, usually for about an hour to an hour and a half per day. I'd love to write more, but at this point life doesn't allow. I homeschool my son in the mornings, then hit the gym. When we get
home, it's time for a quiet time for my son and a writing time for his mom.

Please tell us about your novel, Losing Faith, and what we can expect from your characters.

Denise: Losing Faith is the story of sixteen year old Brie, the black sheep of her religious family until her older sister Faith dies. Through the bizarre and devastating grieving process, Brie discovers that certain facts about Faith's final night just don't line up.

Sounds great! What's up next for you, Denise? Do you have another project in the works? If so, please tell us about it.

Denise: I'm working on another YA novel called Appetite For Beauty. It's about a cheeky and forthright girl who discovers a dangerous, self-destructive side in her sister, and has to decide between helping her sister and a powerful and unfamiliar desire to become appealing to a mysterious boy.

Thank you for sharing with us, Denise! Would you like to close with a writing tip?

Denise: Write every day. It helps stimulate the creative juices and for me, I often start dreaming about my characters and stories when they're a regular part of my day.

Denise Jaden lives just outside Vancouver, Canada. When she’s not writing, she can often be found homeschooling her son or dancing with her Polynesian dance troupe. Losing Faith is her first novel. Find out more at www.denisejaden.com.

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did someone say tv??!

TV is a weird subject to talk about with other writers. Some--like myself--love it and others don't watch it at all.

Now, while I fully admit I can't imagine life without TV (I mean, can you imagine never ever seeing Arrested Development? Because I can't!), I also have to confess I haven't been watching much lately.

In part it's because I've been sick (which is annoying and boring) and in part because I've got a lot of deadlines, and--at the end of the day, no matter how much I love TV, work has to come first.

But! A few weeks ago, one of my blog readers, Haley, mentioned a show called Raising Hope. I checked out the first episode--and then watched all the other ones. I'm totally hooked on it, and I think it is my fave of all the new tv shows this season. (Granted, I've only seen two of them, but still!)

How about you? Do you watch TV? If you do, what shows do you consider can't miss? And are there any new shows you know you *have* to watch?

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