Tuesday, October 14

Heavy Metal



So, as you’ve probably already gathered from the previous posts, this is embarrassing moments week. And as a person who’s suffered (and continues to suffer) such moments, I was really debating just which personal humiliation I’d be willing to share. I mean, which of the many horrifying events, (the landmarks of my life!), would I not just foist on you, dear reader, but also send out to the blogosphere where it can live on, indefinitely . . .

And it didn’t take long for me to decide that I wasn’t about to spill any of them. I mean, for years now I’ve denied those moments so successfully, there’s no use taking ownership of them now.

But then, right after I thought that, yet another embarrassing moment came to mind—one that I happen to relive on a daily basis. Or at least whenever I attempt to eat a sandwich, bite into a taco, or make headway on a sushi roll—out in the open—where everyone can see. And since this particular dirty little secret is becoming impossible to hide, I figured I might as well come clean with it now.

So here goes:

I, Alyson Noël, have an open bite.

Which means my top front teeth don’t make nice with my bottom front teeth.

Which also means they can’t tear food or successfully aid in the ingestion of any of the above items without the aid of a knife and fork. (Yes, I actually cut my tacos into small manageable pieces like you do with a toddler!). And just in case you don’t think this is embarrassing enough, I ask you when was the last time a tuna sandwich ended up on your chin, shirt, lap, and pretty much everywhere but your digestive track?

If by this point you’re thinking: Big deal! Just avoid these things and you’re golden! Well, you’d be right. But the thing is (oh, I also pronounce the word thing like theen not sure if this is open bite related?) sometimes I forget. Either that or I convince myself that this time will be different. Or I miscalculate the size of the petit four, thinking surely I can fit the entire theen into my mouth, only to find once it’s wedged half in-half out and refusing to go any further, that I can’t.

So after years of dealing with this, after years of talking about getting it fixed, I recently visited an orthodontist who told me I’ll need to wear braces for a year and a half, and possibly have jaw surgery in between that!

Yup, metal, rubber bands, and excruciating discomfort—all so I can eat a piece of pizza without suffering the shame of public humiliation.

Is it worth it? I haven’t decided. There are more consultations to come. But one thing is sure, a year’s worth of braces at my age is bound to bring on a whole new set of humiliating experiences, so at least I’ll have something to write about next time this topic comes around!

What about you? Did you ever wear braces? And if so, did you do it for food?

PS- WARNING!!! Shameless self promotion ahead!!! If this sort of thing sickens you, turn away now before it's too late!! Otherwise, read on . . .

It's Teens Read Week, which means it's time to vote for your favorite YA reads in YALSA's annual Teen's Top Ten Award and I'm happy to say that SAVING ZOE is nominated!!! If you read it and liked it and feel like voting, well, all you have to do is click HERE!

Thanks for indulging me!

Alyson- XOXO


21 comments:

Sara Hantz said...

I have a similar thing.... only I always called it an overbite (must be a UK term) and you know what I'm always dropping stuff down my front... it's a family joke.... I had no idea it was related to that.... YIKES!!!!!

Amanda Ashby said...

I had braces for over a year when I was about 15 and the very worst bit about it was that when I finally got them out I tried to speak and it sounded like I had marbles in my mouth because I was so used to the extra stuff on my teeth. It took about two days for me to talk normall again. Devistated!

Anonymous said...

I had braces for two years and I got jaw surgery too. It was totally worth all the discomfort though. I no longer have an overbite and I can eat properly now :)

Amy said...

My son has a 100% overbite. He has a hard time with food, too. The ortho is on the list of things to do this year....

I wore braces as an adult, to correct a few teeth that were turned sideways, so it was purely cosmetic!

Alyson Noel said...

Sara- Nope it's an open bite, which means my top teeth don't meet my bottom teeth, there's a big space between them! And I was always the family joke too-- there about to be very sorry for that!
;-D

Alyson Noel said...

Amanda- Oh yay! Something to look forward to! Sorry about your devastation though . . .

Alyson Noel said...

Anonymous- You're really starting to convince me!

Alyson Noel said...

Amy- I feel your son's pain! My orthodontist actually told me that 45% of their patients are adults!

Sara Hantz said...

Oh, I see!! When I close my mouth my front teeth don't sit on the bottom teeth, they are in front!

Alyson Noel said...

Sara-
Yup, and I can stick my tongue all the way through the space in front while my back teeth are clenched tight!
Aren't we special?!
:-D

Sara Hantz said...

I reckon!!!!

goooooood girl said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Melissa Walker said...

i never had braces but i just hate the dentist and i don't think i could go through this! (but i'm a wimp.) let us know how it turns out.

Alyson Noel said...

Hey Melissa-
I'm the Queen of Wimps, but I'll let you know how it goes!

TJ Brown said...

Yep, I had braces for four years back when they put a metal band around your entire tooth. Ugh. Both my kids had to have braces too.
Teri

Alyson Noel said...

Hey TJ- I remember my friends having those braces! Luckily, they're a lot better now!

Gerb said...

Agh. The joys of adult braces. I've had braces, but thought the ortho fixed my front teeth cosmetically, the alignment on my back teeth is still a bit off. The teeth don't meet all the way around my bite, so I can relate to the eating woes. I can only chew effectively on one side. Now that I'm an adult, I consulted with another ortho about fixing the problem and like you describe, it would involve surgery (breaking/cutting my jaw in at least two places) and braces for over a year. Plus it's expensive and since it's elective, the insurance won't pay for it. For me, it's not worth the pain. I'd love to strangle the ortho who put me through two years of braces as a kid and left me with this problem! Grrrr!

Congratulations on the nomination! I'm going to vote now!!!

Linda

Alyson Noel said...

Gerb- You summed it up completely! Though I still haven't decided for sure . . .

Jessica Burkhart said...

I can do the same thing with my tongue, Alyson!

Honestly, *I* wouldn't go through surgery for it. Braces, sure! Surgery, nope.

Alyson Noel said...

Hey Jessica- Aw, a fellow open biter! I'm still on the fence about the surgery, going to see an oral surgeon on Monday, so I'll get more info then . . .

Lauren Baratz-Logsted said...

You know I'm rooting for you for the YALSA, babe. As for the teeth, when I was young, my overbite was so bad, my teeth slept outside my mouth at night. Age 10, I was "Buck-Teeth Baratz." Got braces and for the next ywo years I was "Tinsel-Teeth Baratz." Then I got the braces off and no one could say anything bad to me, at least not about my teeth. So I'd say it's worth it. Just my two cents!