1. I wouldn't hear lines like the one I just heard on "Morning Joe," which is playing in the background as I write this, the line that goes, "He's the one who bought the pictures of Brett Favre's private parts." I've heard references to Brett Favre's private parts - or, more familiarly, "his junk" - more than I need to in one lifetime.
2. It would not be another school-closing snow day here today, our tenth this year. Yes, I know this is Presidents' Day, but my kid's school was supposed to be open today to make up for one of the nine snow days they've already missed.
3. "Santa Barbara" would never have been canceled.
4. I would be a contestant on "Jeopardy" and "Who Wants to Be a Millionaire," affording me the dual chances to show off my polymath status *and* how generous/unspoiled I'd be if only I were ever a rich girl.
5. There would be no bullying and there would be substantially less Internet rage.
So how about you: What elements would you add to make up a perfect world?