Sunday, August 24

I Have Friends, Right?

One of the major differences between having friends as a teen and having friends as an adult is that I have far fewer of them! As a teen I moved in and out of all sorts of groups and I called them all my friends. As an adult… well, not so much. This was driven home to me the other day as I was filling out an application for a really cool job working with teens. It asked for three non-family, non-work related references. In other words, friends. My BF, Ann grabbed the first spot. My other BF Kerry grabbed the second. Then I was stumped. OMG! I only have two friends! How can that be?

Well, it’s harder to make friends as an adult for one thing. You have your own kids and a career, so making and maintaining friendships is much more difficult. Everyone is so busy! Then a lot of times, as a writer, I find I have little in common with non-writers. Not that writing is the only thing I’m interested in, but it does take up a huge chunk of my brain energy. That reminds me of having drinks with my agent and a couple of her other clients, the fab Tera Lynn Childs and fellow TFC’er, Amanda Ashby. The talk kept going back to writing and finally our agent said, “Enough about work! How are you guys doing?” The three of us just blinked at one another, like, we have lives other than writing? What a novel concept!

So I guess it’s no coincidence that my two IRL best friends are writers. Of course, I have tons of Internet friends who I keep in contact with. Writers all. LOL!

Oh, and I finally did find a friend to use as a reference… Linda Sherwood, fab writer and professor and one of my very first Internet friends who I also met in person. That’s not cheating is it?

10 comments:

Sara Z. said...

It's so hard to make friends as an adult! And then when they all start having babies and you don't...even harder.

I usually wind up making a couple good friends at church, and that's great, and I have a bunch of writer friends online---also great---but this year I've actually made some writer friends who LIVE IN MY ACTUAL CITY. Or near it. And that is the best of all.

Wendy Toliver said...

I agree with both of you so far. Seems like my newer, non-writer friends are people who have kids on the same sports teams as mine and will give me a place to sit on their blanket because I never remember one. But the friends I've had for a long time mean a lot to me, and I really do try to give them a quick jingle or email every once in a while, despite our busy lives. The good thing is, I can usually say, "I know it's been too long since we've talked and I have exactly four minutes till (whatever) ..." and they get it. :)

keri mikulski :) said...

I agree. :) It's a lot harder to find time for friends as an adult especially after having kids.

Gerb said...

I know what you mean. I have the double whammy of being a writing mom who moves alot. I have to start back at square one with each new location.

It's not that I don't have friends - I do. I'm casual friends with a lot of contacts from school, church, PTO, neighborhood, etc. But real *girlfriends*? Not so many.

And the ones I'm closest with? Yeah. Writers. *shrug* What can I say? They 'get' me.

Jessica Burkhart said...

It's definitely harder to make friends in adult land. Everyone has their own things and schedules are soo difficult to coordinate! I miss parents setting up playdates, lol.

Alyson Noel said...

I moved a lot over the last few years- Mykonos- NYC- Laguna Beach . . .so my friends are sort of scattered all over the place, and as I don't have kids, and tend to sit in front of my computer all day, it's hard to make new ones. So my posse is sort of a hodge podge of e-mail buddies, phone call friends, and the ones I reconnected with from the last time I lived in the OC, which has turned out to be really great!

Amanda Ashby said...

I've moved country so many times over the last ten years that the friends I do have pretty much hate me because I take up too much space in their address books!!!!! But seriously, I sort of like that my friends are scattered because I don't have the time or the inclination to socialize like I used to do when I was younger.

Plus, like everyone else has said, these days my idea of a good time is talking writing and books!!!!

Kelly Parra said...

I feel like a snob, but its hard for me to make friends. It's so easy to be friendly on-line but in person, I clam up (other than with writers!) Writers are my pals!

Sara Hantz said...

Moving across the world, as we did 7 years ago, meant leaving my friends behind (though we still keep in touch). So, nowadays my friends are mainly writers. That's ok we don't just talk about writing!!

Melissa Walker said...

I'm with you. I'm often whining to my boyfriend (who still lives near MOST of his high school friends), that "I have no friends!" I sound like a 6th grader, but oh well.