Thursday, September 16

My subconscious is always trying to humiliate me

Embarrassing tales week is always a toughie for me. Not because I don't suffer from embarrassment, but usually the "incidents" that cause it are so minor that if I retold them, I'm pretty sure the response would be a collective: Um, now explain again why that embarrassed you? (Yes, I am working on my shame issues.) I have very few Epic Embarrassments - at least ones I'd share online.

But - the embarrassment that takes place in my dreams is fairly hardcore. In the last few weeks, I've dreamed the following:

- It's finals day at college. I walk into class and realize I haven't attended class all semester, and have no idea what's going on. Usually the class is something in math or science, so I can't b.s. my way through it.

- It's opening night of the school play. I'm back stage, possibly pantsless. It dawns on me that perhaps I should have taken at least a cursory glance at my script before NOW. I frantically try to memorize the lines in the five minutes before curtain.

- My next book is out. Only it's not the version I worked so hard on. It's the unedited, uncorrected, first draft of my book. Hard bound and with my name on it.

- I run into an ex-friend, who yells at me in public about everything I did wrong in our friendship.

Classic anxiety dreams, probably telling me that my fear of embarrassment/messing up/shame is way more powerful than any real-life incident I could probably experience. Back to therapy!

5 comments:

Ronni said...

OK, that first one? About having an exam? I get those dreams about HIGH SCHOOL. A school I never attended, and I always wonder "why did I go back to HIGH SCHOOL as old as I am?"

Wendy Toliver said...

Gack! Do the school-set anxiety dreams ever stop?

Sara Z. said...

Ronni - I get them in high school sometimes, too, and yeah - I'm like 40 and trying to retroactively graduate...

Wendy - No. :)

Stephanie Kuehnert said...

I have those kind of dreams all the time too! And when I do have even a minor embarrassing moment, I replay it in my head so much trying to think how I can live it down (when no one really cares but me) or could have done something different.

*joins Sara in therapy*

Mano said...

Hi,

You've an incredibly nice blog. To come to be a prosperous individual the fundamental thing is usually to have positive thinking. Appreciate Sky Rocketing Achievement with Turbo charged Positive Affirmations... Create Positive Thinking So You are able to Eradicate Anxiety Out of your Existence, Boost Your Self-Confidence and Program Your self For Lifetime Success!