Thursday, September 16

My subconscious is always trying to humiliate me

Embarrassing tales week is always a toughie for me. Not because I don't suffer from embarrassment, but usually the "incidents" that cause it are so minor that if I retold them, I'm pretty sure the response would be a collective: Um, now explain again why that embarrassed you? (Yes, I am working on my shame issues.) I have very few Epic Embarrassments - at least ones I'd share online.

But - the embarrassment that takes place in my dreams is fairly hardcore. In the last few weeks, I've dreamed the following:

- It's finals day at college. I walk into class and realize I haven't attended class all semester, and have no idea what's going on. Usually the class is something in math or science, so I can't b.s. my way through it.

- It's opening night of the school play. I'm back stage, possibly pantsless. It dawns on me that perhaps I should have taken at least a cursory glance at my script before NOW. I frantically try to memorize the lines in the five minutes before curtain.

- My next book is out. Only it's not the version I worked so hard on. It's the unedited, uncorrected, first draft of my book. Hard bound and with my name on it.

- I run into an ex-friend, who yells at me in public about everything I did wrong in our friendship.

Classic anxiety dreams, probably telling me that my fear of embarrassment/messing up/shame is way more powerful than any real-life incident I could probably experience. Back to therapy!


Unknown said...

OK, that first one? About having an exam? I get those dreams about HIGH SCHOOL. A school I never attended, and I always wonder "why did I go back to HIGH SCHOOL as old as I am?"

Wendy Toliver said...

Gack! Do the school-set anxiety dreams ever stop?

Sara Z. said...

Ronni - I get them in high school sometimes, too, and yeah - I'm like 40 and trying to retroactively graduate...

Wendy - No. :)

Stephanie Kuehnert said...

I have those kind of dreams all the time too! And when I do have even a minor embarrassing moment, I replay it in my head so much trying to think how I can live it down (when no one really cares but me) or could have done something different.

*joins Sara in therapy*

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