Sunday, March 16


Since the topic of the week is "Crushes," here's my history.

Not many people know this, simply because it doesn't come up a lot, but I went to a Hebrew day school from nursery school through the middle of fourth grade. One Friday night in first grade there was a big Sabbath celebration where I wound up spending the night with a few other kids at Danny's house. It was because of the proximity to the synagogue; religious refuse to drive on the Sabbath and while my family was not that religious, the school was, as was Danny. At some point on Friday night Danny asked me to marry him. I said yes, of course, thinking that while I hated the idea of eating gefilte fish - his mother had served that as a starter course - I loved the floor-to-ceiling mirrors in his dining room and figured I could get used to them mighty quickly. What can I say? I was a budding narcissist! Plus, Danny was the cutest boy in our class.

So yes, Dear Reader, I married him.

I was all of five years old.

We held hands on the walk to synagogue the next day.

On the walk back from synagogue, he said he wanted a divorce.

I was shocked. Had I not sung on key? Had I davened improperly? How could he leave me like that?

Too bad I didn't know then what I know now, that for religious to divorce they have to get a "get," which involves going before a rabbi and saying "I divorce you" three times.

Danny never got his get. So maybe we're still married?

Flash forward a bit:

Middle school; junior high - I can't say I really had any crushes back then, because I wound up going out with all my crushes. I know: lucky girl.

But then high school came and I developed a big crush. It was such a big crush that one time, when my object had been sick - I think he may have had his wisdom teeth out - a girlfriend and I made a cassette for him that mostly featured me telling jokes and singing Fleetwood Mac's "Landslide." You'd think I was five, not fifteen. And then there was the time the same girlfriend dared me to go to his house, knock on the door and ask him to kiss me. Which I did, and he did, and I was happy the entire time.

Oh, the foolish things I have done in the service of love.

Now I am much older and if not generally wiser, I'm at least wise enough to finally get that a crush really works best as a crush when the object is completely unavailable. For that job then, the recipient of my crushtastic impulses, I nominate...

Drum roll, please!

...Jon Bon Jovi.

I was never a fan in the '80s, but now that he is 45, I think he is hot-hot-hot. (Does he not look like a male Robin Wright Penn? I love Robin Wright Penn.) And talented. (Have you heard "Wanted Dead or Alive"? I Like that song.) Oh, and charitable too! (He holds the record for largest single charitable donation made by a guest while on the Oprah Winfrey Show: $1 million.) Oh, and did I mention he is hot-hot-hot? (I've never been one for pretty boys, but the universe took so much pretty and put it in that face, it's impossible to ignore.)

So, Jon Bon Jovi, if you're reading this, just know that I'm thrilled to have you be the object of my unrequited crushdom.


Be well. Don't forget to write.


Erica Orloff said...

Clive Owen.


And my family knows I would leave them all--four kids, significant other, dogs, birds, house, hearth--for Bruce Springsteen.

Jessica Burkhart said...

Johnny Depp (in pirate costume only, LOL) and Will Smith. Ahh....

Amanda Ashby said...

My David Boreanaz crush knows no bounds.

(btw, Erica, when I was 18 I was front row at a Bruce Springsteen concert and the girl he got up to dance on stage was only 2 people away from me. So close.)

Lauren Baratz-Logsted said...

Good choices, ladies!

Sara Hantz said...

Johnny Depp is my latest one. I used to have BIG crush on Kevin Costner. I think Clive Owen is fab too. Oh yes... Andrew Lincoln.... British guy who was in love with Keira Knightly in Love Actually.

When I was young I had a HUGE crush on David Cassidy!!!!!

Gerb said...

I completely agree about Bon Jovi. He is HOT and his personality is so charming.

And I love Johnny Depp.

And Patrick Dempsey.

And... have you seen Return to Me? I completely fell in love with David Duchovny when he sat with his dog and cried.


Lauren Baratz-Logsted said...

Well, it seems that Johnny Depp is a very popular choice. I think he's hot too.

Sara, yes on the Kevin Costner, and isn't it off how some crushes stay while other's change into "And what did I see in you?" Guess that's a little like life, though. Yes on Clive Owen - whay a hunk of man in Elizabeth: The Golden Age - he made *me* want to be a virgin queen! Andrew Lincold - at first I read "Abe Lincoln," thought to myself. "Wow! She's eclectic!" Yes on David Cassidy.

Gerb, I hate to say this, but I've never caught the Patrick Dempsey attraction. But since we share Depp love and you completely - so intelligently! - get JBJ, we're still square with each other. Will have to track down that David Duchovny scene.

Kaethe said...

Neil Gaiman is my current crush.

Lauren Baratz-Logsted said...

Oh, Kaethe. I understand that in writing circles, there's a lot of that going around. He's never floated my boat in that regard, but from all I see and hear, he's a very nice man.

bevrosenbaum said...

Can totally understand the Jon Bon Jovi thing...but if you ever meet him, please do tell him to put his shirt back on in that ad he's in. (To quote Beverly Hills Cop, "Is not sexy. Is animal."!)

Lauren Baratz-Logsted said...

Bev, you're killing me here. I haven't seen the ad but need to know: What's wrong with JBJ shirtless?

Alyson Noel said...

So many crushes. . .let's see- Richard Branson (rebel visionary), Jon Stewart (so funny), Johnny Depp (he just IS), Bono (hot & altruistic- I LOVE him!). . .and yah, Jon Bon Jovi is pretty smokin' these days- and I confess to having DEAD OR ALIVE on my iPod Playlist (thanks to my obsession with The Deadliest Catch)--and even though there's so many more-- I'll stop here!

Lauren Baratz-Logsted said...

Alyson - SISTER!

Melissa Walker said...

Has anyone seen Tim Riggins from Friday Night Lights? I love him (the character, but likely not the actor--I'm a character crusher).

Lauren Baratz-Logsted said...

Melissa, his real name is Taylor Kitsch. And even though he never washes that hair, he can put that helmet in my bedroom anytime.